Mikerowe Biology

Mikerowe Biology

A few weeks ago, my friend Kathie and I met at one of our favorite hang outs, Juice and Java. We often chat with our waitress/starving student, a wonderful young lady named Cassie. During that morning’s chat we learned Cassie was taking some pretty hairy classes to become a dental hygienist. “Yeah, I’m taking Micro, it sucks,” she remarked with the enthusiasm of a dental patient.

Mike Rowe? I thought, Wow! I love that guy, they really have a class on him? Is it producing? Is it hosting, directing, journalism? Can I take this class? Do they actually offer that at Butte, or perhaps CSUC? Oh goody! Clapping my hands with glee, both Micro theologians puzzled at me then and continued their discussion into the pitfalls of Micro.

It was early, I hadn’t had my coffee yet, besides, the animal known as my imagination was loose and running amuck. Wow! I wonder if he’d actually come as a guest teacher, or speaker, then we could go to lunch, perhaps on a date? God! What would I wear? Where would we go? Oh, the downtown market and then Christian Michaels, no, no too presumptions, Franky’s? It’s cute and intimate but not too over the top. Oh, how do I explain that to Tom? ‘Sorry I dumped your ass for Mike Rowe ’ I could tell Tom it was Micro-Oh And then the realization,
Micro-as in Micro Biology.

The air deflated from my great, red, fantasy balloon. Happily, I never uttered these thoughts, otherwise I may have been ushered from Juice and Java in a straight jacket and Lithium induced semi-coma muttering “Mike Rowe, Mike Rowe,” all the while my poor friend and waitress shaking their heads thinking I had some traumatic experience with a slide of bacteria or perhaps my microbiology professor (who sadly resembled a protozoa). It was fun to think about though, Mike Rowe as a class and in a way, he is in a class by himself.

I am a bonafide nerd because the study of Microbiology was fun for me. It blew my pea brain that there is a tiny world, functioning almost as we do: Eating, living, reproducing until finally, dying (Remember Osmosis Jones? Great movie about life on the inside of well, us).You can decipher what you will from my Micro biology grade (which was an ‘A’) but keep in mind, that my professor really did resemble a protozoa, specifically, athlete’s foot. Poor man had psoriasis.

Though most microorganisms are viewed negatively and associated with some of our illnesses-such as strep, remember that yeast is also a microorganism and fermenting yeast, makes beer.
Let’s compare, just for entertainment alone, Mike Rowe to one of our highest known micro organisms: Bacteria.

Bacterial cell walls consist mostly of carbon and protein...hmmm so are Mike Rowe’s cell walls...in fact I would have to say that all of his cell walls at one point or another have been in and absorbed carbon and protein. Escherichia coli, the fancy name for pooh.

This of course leads me to another comparison: The Slime layer. Yes, bacteria actually secrete a slime layer (as protection) outside their cells, and Mike Rowe has, in almost every episode of Dirty Jobs, been engulfed in slime of various origins. Although, Mike Rowe could never personify slime, he is, well, just too damn cute, decent, wonderful, etc, etc, yeah, as if you haven't guessed, I gotta a major crush on him.

Bacteria store their excess nutrients (carbon) in the form of Polyhydroxyalkanoate and Glycogen(one can be found in cheese coating the other in sugars and starch). Mike stores his excess nutrients in a slight tool shed. Hey, it’s nice to know that we (the female sex) aren’t the only ones battling the bulge.

It’s unavoidable, we all get gas, even bacteria, politely termed: Gas Vesicles which keep them buoyant in their soup de jour. I know with the involuntary digestion of all the vestibules of pooh Mike has had to endure over his five successful years of hosting Dirty Jobs, he has acquired his fair share and then some of gas. Unfortunately, the gas doesn’t keep him buoyant.

Speaking for myself, I know that Mike has magnetism and since we are doing a comparison of Mike Rowe to a microorganism, Bacteria also have Magnetism. Although for bacteria, it isn’t to attract the ladies. Magnetosomes allow the bacteria to align itself with other bacterium for maximum oxygen intake and hey, magnetosomes are species specific, so a bacterium cannot hang out with different bacteria. Just like Mike can’t really marry a pig, even though at this juncture, a sow (to be named later) is seeking piglet support from Mike because of a thwarted episode of Dirty Jobs involving pig insemination.

What separate us from the single cell microbes and other animal organisms(with the exception of some males of our species) is our ability to communicate: Just as our ancestors relied specifically on pheromones to communicate that they were in the mood, bacteria have been found to communicate that they too are horny or perhaps, just want to share a carbon or two. Just ask the Bacteria Whisperer, Bonnie Bassler. She recently discovered that Bacteria have an intricate communication system, involving pheromones, communicating with their hosts, strategizing and enabling other bacteria to enter the host as a kind of monitor position.

Mike Rowe is a great communicator. He wouldn’t be employed as the very fantastic host of Dirty Jobs if he sucked. He has pheromones and knows how to use them, as evident by the reception he receives from his female guests (and some male guests). He communicates with his staff, he strategizes with his producers, and camera people to get the best story and he enables the Dirty Job of the day to take over, thus displaying to the audience a gateway, and a view into their world, if only for an hour.

Yep, I surely do enjoy Mikerowe biology and you should get brainy with it and check him out, Monday nights, 9PM discovery channel. I may be a tad bit obsessed with him, just consider this advice from a nerd gone wild. You may actually learn something new in the dirty department!
©All Rights Reserved, Anne Wycoff May 2008
Sources:
Microbiology is the study of microorganisms, which are unicellular or cell-cluster microscopic organisms (Fungi, Protists, and certain Algae).
Antonie van Leeuwenhoek observed through a single-lens microscope (of his own design) micro organisms.
Wired magazine, November 2004, Bonnie Bassler, the Bacteria Whisperer
Dirty Jobs: Hosted by the fabulous Mike Rowe, New episodes Mondays @9PM, Discovery Channel